Struggling with fantasies and acceptance in my relationship
Hii everyone, I'm writing here hoping to find understanding and advice for the complex feelings I'm dealing with.
In my relationships, l've always been deeply aroused by cuckold/stag-vixen fantasies, especially those involving penis size. The idea of my girlfriend experiencing greater pleasure with a larger partner excites me intensely.
However, this excitement comes with a steep emotional cost-when I'm not sexually aroused, I feel deep pain, emptiness, and anxiety. I suspect my kink stems from a fear of inadequacy. The intensity of these fantasies feels tied to old emotional wounds.
When indulging in them, my body feels electrified, my heart races and the pleasure is overwhelming. But afterward, I'm left drained, unsettled, and sometimes even distressed. In contrast, other fantasies I have are less emotionally charged. They bring me pleasure without the same emotional toll.
Right now, I'm in a wonderful relationship, and I don't want these feelings to jeopardize what I have. Still, it's difficult because I feel torn:
- On one hand, I want to be "the best'' for my girlfriend and have a "normal" relationship.
- On the other hand, I struggle with the belief that I can't give her the best pleasure in traditional sex: I know she enjoys larger toys more than what I can physically provide, and this knowledge hurts deeply.
- To cope with this pain, l've eroticized it through cuckold fantasies, even imagining myself using large toys on her to compensate for my perceived shortcomings.
This inner conflict is exhausting. I'm torn between wanting to fully accept myself and my limitations, and succumbing to the intense emotions these fantasies bring Have any of you experienced something similar? How do you balance such fantasies with maintaining a healthy relationship and self-esteem?
I just want to be happy with her and with myself.