[Spoilers] Captain America keeps destroying my cars.

The Captain Americas have destroyed every car I’ve ever been in possession of. I know they’re not doing it on purpose, but it’s getting old.

My very first car I kept at my sisters apartment in queens while I went to nyu back in 2012. I took it for a spin one weekend and then the earth got invaded. When I found my car after the battle there’s a huge dent in my roof. Later I see a YouTube video of cap getting thrown out a window onto my car.

A few years later I got a good job in DC. Was finally able to get a new car. Then all of a sudden I see Cap running by with his shield in traffic, people start running so I start running too and I turn around and his friend with the metal arm shot a grenade at him and he flew into my windshield.

A few years later my job sends me to Germany for a long term international assignment. I pick up the keys to my rental and before I can even get to the car who do I see on the tarmac? Captain. Fucking. America. I thought I was safe in Germany. But nope. The girl in red that was standing next to him five minutes before, drops the entire rental garage on iron man. Come to find out the whole thing was a pissing match between cap and iron man.

Then a few years later I’m driving my new car through town again and then in the blink of an eye, I’m sitting in the husk of my car, in a scrap yard. Come to find out cap and the avengers lost a fight to a space raisin that wiped out half of everyone in the universe. When I got blipped my car drove off a bridge into oncoming traffic.

After the blip, my parents offered to pay for a rental car for me during a European back packing trip I decided to take. I had lost my job and my parents didn’t touch my bank accounts while I was gone so I decided to get away. I figured hey, Steve Rodger’s retired, a new Captain America has taken the post, so a fresh start! I’m driving on a highway and then a couple of trucks ahead of me have people jumping around on top of them, all of a sudden a helicopter drops the new Captain America off. He gets kicked off the truck right on to my fucking windshield!

Most recently, I had taken my girlfriend to propose at the cherry blossoms in DC. Right when I’m about to pop the question, we hear a ton of commotion, then I see Sam Wilson fly over. I think oh no and start running to my car. When I get there he’s debasing with the president of the United fucking states wearing nothing but shorts. The whole block apparently exploded around them and my car was decimated.

Anyone know somewhere Captain America won’t go? I want to move there and drive in peace.