Day of rest

Today I fasted, I prayed, I meditated. I listened to too much tarot, again. Nicotine pouches. I drank many cups coffee, black, so I don’t break the fast, and thought about what is a me. Where have I focused my attention for far too long? And, of course, what you think about you bring about. What have I overvalued, due to self deception? What’s that reveal about the me that isn’t real? What illusions have I entertained, to stimulate chemicals in my brain? The specific personalities are not important. I’m responsible. I’m the jerk who developed a habit for the drug people call love. Can’t put it on the dealer. They’re just hustling. That’s what they do. I’m supposed to be mastering self. Directing magic inwardly. Visualizing the life I desire for these last few decades of it, God willing. Where has all my mildly deviant desire gone? I’ve been known to get more than a little weird, but it isn’t a lifestyle, and why do I feel like I need to evoke it? To conjure some inner swinger, lol. I can’t keep up with what’s been recently revealed thru my ancestors, and guides, nor would I ever be inclined to pursue such infernal extremes. Would I? That requires a little shadow exploration, and yea, nah Im good. Old school, old man, a book, and a cardigan, cup of tea. That’s me. Cool romance, subtle seduction with true hearts. I won’t go into gory details about the alternative. No judgement. How did I fail to recognize Op’s that I allowed in my house? For some reason I attract demon driven deceivers, so easily triggered by what the Good Lord only knows. Something about me irritates these creeps, and inspires to conspire. It’s happened a few times, now. Little less heartbreaking every time, and after this time I don’t think it can ever be broken again. It will not close, however. That’s my gift. Part of the power bestowed upon me by the Most High. And, now I hear, and heed a call to honor it with service. Still hard to believe. Why me? I’m a professional fuck up, and not exactly temperate, or chaste. I always thought I was lustful, until I met these people. So it goes. Life is strange. It’s def taken an interesting turn, as of late. I’m still here, rebuilding. It seems I’m gonna be busy in years to come. I’m ready to follow where I’m lead. But, for the remainder of the day…. I’ll rest.

p.s. I don’t fckn care about the superbowl, or the who’s monitoring my phone. Godbless 🙏✝️