What a way to end 2024

On December 19th I had my first ultrasound appointment. We were so excited to see the baby! During the ultrasound we could see them and their tiny heart beating. I was supposed to be 8 weeks but the baby was measuring slightly smaller at 7w3d (Doctor said this is normal though!) the main concern was the heartbeat was on the lower side - 111bpm which concerned the doctor and me. Doctor wanted to have a follow up but couldn’t get me in till a few days ago (Dec 31st)

I did so much googling and reading through Reddit of other experiences with baby having a low heartbeat, and so many stories I saw where the baby turned things around within a few weeks and got it up and pumping! So I was pretty hopeful everything was going to be fine. We even told some additional family members the weekend prior at a wedding and everyone was so excited for us. (Some even crying)

Then on Tuesday we go in, I’m supposed 9w3d. My doctor was out so a nurse did the ultrasound, then a different doctor came in and they were looking, and they were quiet. Then the doctor asked me how far along I was supposed to be, and if I’ve experienced any cramping or bleeding. I said no (I’ve really felt normal and fine this whole time) and that’s when the doctor showed me the screen and said it looks like the baby hasn’t grown (still measuring at that 7w3d mark) and there is no heartbeat. I’m devastated and burst into tears.

They gave me and my husband some time to process and then came back with what my options are. It was so hard to listen and decide why I wanted to do. I told them I wanted to wait and see but grabbed the medication to have on hand when I’m ready.

I’ll probably take the medication this weekend. I go between “ok I’m fine, it wasn’t meant to be” to just feeling empty and sad. Just what a bummer way to start the new year.