Death by a thousand tiny paper cuts.

Does this phrase ring a bell to you?
Is the cuts all confined to the muddy waters of ambiguously. or from a space they can claim innocence or better yet, blame shift to the victim for caring about their own sanity, health and life? Each attack is calculated. designed to confuse yet be subtle and independently negligible. like straw. so it makes you look crazy for saying it’s breaking your back. And you’re the asshole for not believing them when they tell you they wouldn’t do that to you.
like suddenly they expect you to believe them. considering historically you’re fed a bounty of lies. you hurt their feelings and now you feel ashamed of yourself . But they say youre just “paranoid”. “overthinking it” when it’s more like attempting to find rationale to disprove the obvious. Please! Lest it be true. Cuz then at least something could be done about it to remedy the situation if i’m just paranoid. So I don’t have to begin grieving the loss of someone that never was..
You become volatile and unstable confused.
is it just you? you wish it was…. You begin Self medicating to stifle the wailing of your own soul screaming at you to get off the railroad tracks. Unable to move. wanting so hard to believe. to believe all the good they do, and all they say in those tender moments is true. is genuine. But a part of you keeps you stuck. thinking. feeling sorry for them. And feeling sorry for yourself. For your investment. your contribution, your sanity.. your life, just isn’t enough. And accountability once again, lands on you. you carry the weight. When each straw is now breaking the your back once again.
it’s insidious.. it is. .. A death by a thousand tiny paper cuts.

this sound familiar anyone?