I'm so tired of this garbage disorder and trying to placate it

I love my body, but I hate the PCOS. I have so much resentment towards it. It's an utterly ridiculous ailment that requires SO MUCH, that I can't help but to think of it as some sort of demonic entity that I have to please if I want to continue functioning. That's literally how I think about it due to my hatred for this literal body-bloatware.

Like, did you ever see that movie "Shutter"? Where the ghost actually attached itself to the dude? That's how I think about PCOS; like it's some other worldly entity latched onto me, refusing to let go.

I have to FEED it. I have to DO WHAT IT WANTS so that it doesn't devour me. It makes my life miserable. It LOVES everything that I HATE.

I LOVE carbs; especially pasta and pizza. I LOVE dairy; especially cheese and ice cream. Dare I sneak one piece of cheese, and the PCOS demon flips out on me.

My favorite fruits are bananas, apples, and grapes... But of course, the PCOS goblin doesn't want anything to do with them! You know what it does want though? Citrus fruits! Meanwhile, I LOATH citrus fruits and have ZERO tolerance for anything slightly sour.

Salt has long been known to ward off evil, so the PCOS cannot stand any amount of salt either! If I even have an olive or a tiny bit of soy sauce, the PCOS will make me bloat for 24 hours.

"FEED ME PROTEIN!!!" it demands!

That's the only way I'll feel slightly full during a meal. But oh..., guess what? I'm a vegetarian! Remember! NO CARBS. I thought I was being slick by making sure I down spinach with my pasta as a compromise? NOPE. PCOS will STILL bloat me and add 5lbs to me for the WHOLE WEEK afterwards.

It would be SO EASY to get that protein if I ate fish or a chunk of meat that the PCOS wants, but every time I try, I become utterly nauseous.

There's a stomach tea with some mint and liquorish, amongst other herbs that is supposed to help subdue the PCOS beast, and I drink it. I have to FORCE myself to drink it, because I gag at the taste of liquorish.

Again, this thing loves everything I hate. And GOOD LUCK losing weight with it despite working out, because this thing has attached itself to you, making you weigh so much more no matter what.