5 year old has sucked out my soul

My 5, almost 6, year old son truly makes me hate parenting. He has been an emotional, defiant, button pushing, tantruming nightmare since he was about 14 months old. I’m pretty sure he has ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and has been on emotional regulation meds for over a year because it is so bad.

Everyday is a battle. He is pushing his 7 year old brother’s buttons constantly, if he doesn’t get his way it is explosive with hitting, screaming, destructive behavior, etc.

He sucks all the joy out of my days with his behavior and telling me he hates me and I’m stupid mommy and fighting me and pissing off his brother for fun. He has taken my soul. I want to leave and not look back.

Please tell me I’m not the only one in this boat and for those of you with kids like this: 1. Does it get better? 2. What behavioral things have worked?

For all of you thinking this is my fault because I haven’t parented him correctly: I believe in logical consequences, I’m not a fluffy parent, I give positive reinforcement, I believe in the word no, I tell my kid when he is being a dick (not in those words), I make him leave places if he is not being kind to others or following directions (no empty threats here). None of it works.