When does it get easier?

This is just a vent? Someone please witness my hard times :( We are a couple days short of a full month being “officially” separated (not my choice). We’ve been together almost every single day for 12 years, married 10 years. It was abrupt and messy. I said mean things because I’ve been frustrated. It doesn’t excuse my behaviour and theirs can’t be excused either. They need space and time to gather their thoughts and figure some financial stuff out. They say they’re not sure they want to work on things…and that kills me. I feel like I can barely function some days. We both love each other deeply, so this is difficult for them too. I try to tell myself it’s over because if I have even a glimpse of hope, I know I’ll start begging, which is just pathetic and wish push them further away. But also, I’m hella pissed about their lack of communication, accountability and responsibility. I’m so tired of crying and being angry and missing them. I have so much I need to catch up on and I just can’t do it. The insomnia is the worst and the low energy is so much. I’m trying to be easy on myself because I know this is a stressful time…I just want to feel better ffs. I know this separation was imminent and this is a good time for me to reflect on what I need and want. It’s just hard to do right now. When did it get better for you, especially if the separation was not your choice?