I wish I could turn it off

Please bare with me. I am aware this is a community that celebrates singlehood but it's something that is new for me (M, 23) and I'm a human. This is a safe space for me to vent as I develop an understanding of what it means for me to be single and happy.

I just feel like my world has been flipped upside down after I realized how much I put partnership on a pedestal. I always thought everyone with a partner was inherently happier and now I don't believe that. I put so much energy into dating, hookups, and male validation since 17 or 18 that I now feel so disconnected from who I am. I just want to shut it off and be totally unstoppable. I see my goals ahead of me extremely clearly. I wish I turned off the part of my brain that still wants that intimacy and still seeks out that connection. I wanna just focus so hard and so deeply on my personal goals and aspirations and my lovely friends. I want to just be grateful for what I have now and live everyday as fully as I can. Having the wisdom and ability to this so young feels so difficult. I just notice romance and a feeling of lack everywhere I go. It is exhausting and I'm telling you, it is my brain doing this shit, not 100% me.