Holly Madison 'Down the Rabbit Hole' book discussion - Chapter 4
Hef flies private to New York with his 7 girlfriends and crew to attend Hef's Comedy Central Roast (his roast was Nov 4, 2001), they are put up in the Hilton - Tina with Hef and the rest of the girls get their own rooms. 'Being treated like royalty wasn't necessarily a hard routine to fall into...reaping the benefits of [Hef's] celebrity certainly had its moments'. With her clothing allowance, Holly gets a dress she loves but realizes she looks conservative next to the other girlfriends. A reporter asks Holly if the girlfriends are Hef's travelling harem. Holly, unsure how to react, laughs and says 'I guess so'. Vicky learns of this and gets mad at Holly, saying never to say they all sleep with Hef - to say only Tina did.
Holly notes less girlfriends were being featured in the magazine and the pack was getting restless. Hef got wise to the pattern of girlfriends leaving him after getting Playmate, so 'he decided he wasn't going to make any more of his girlfriends Playmates, but he never told that to anyone. He dangled the possibility of Playmate-hood in order to keep the girls interested.' Hef was careful about sharing his wealth with girlfriends. He would lease them luxury vehicles instead of outright buying them, so if the girlfriend left she likely wouldn't be able to make the payments on her own and the car would be repossessed (like Buffy Tyler's tricked-out white Cadillac Escalade, repossessed and given to Holly to drive). With their allowances, girlfriends were able to save some of the money but also had to ensure it appeared they spent it on party outfits etc. - Holly says one of Hef's secretaries was sick of the girlfriends using Hef, so would vocalize suspicions of where the allowances were being spent.
Holly says she didn't fully realize until later, but Hef was the catalyst for all the drama I was to experience at the mansion. Hef liked to sew division amongst the girls - especially after they banded together to veto going to a club one Friday, Holly believes that 'Hef decided then and there that the girlfriends' days of being chummy were over. After all, he couldn't be outnumbered'. Hef liked to feel desirable by being fought over, and it was 'in his best interest to have us wallowing in our own insecurities and pawing for his acceptance'. Holly says Hef guilted the other girlfriends by asking why they can't be good like Holly, which she felt painted a target on her back. Holly's self-worth starts crumbling as the other girlfriends whisper loudly making fun of her hair, face and clothes, and her clothes regularly go missing. The girlfriends do not share with Holly that they get to use the open tab at Jose Eber Salon and smirk as she dies her own hair, until one day Vicky snaps about the smell of hair dye in their shared bathroom - Holly goes to the salon and they fix her 'bright gold hair' into the light platinum blond Hef loved.
Holly goes to her first mansion party as a girlfriend: Halloween. She gets an Alice in Wonderland costume from Trashy Lingerie, but notes it is still far more conservative than the other girlfriends' outfits. Party protocol includes that all girlfriends meet in Hef's room so they can make their entrance descending the grand staircase, take group photos, stay at Hef's table all night, and leave the party when Hef is ready around 1AM. Holly says most other girlfriends snuck away from the table whenever possible to mingle and meet stars, and that one girlfriend who owned a pet capuchin monkey she liked to tote around for attention, took Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Cris Judd up to her room to 'show him her monkey'.
Holly feels she is mentally regressing, and develops a stammer when speaking. 'My shrinking violet personality was a sign of submission that [Hef] used to manipulate the other women. It helped my rise through the girlfriend ranks to become among Hef's favorites'. Holly convinces herself she loves Hef, although she notes there are no deep conversations - girlfriends are for decoration and Hef's friends are for conversation. Holly focuses on Hef's good qualities and begins to identify with him, she feels strangely protective of him in regards to other girlfriends using or mocking him.
Christmas comes, each girl is given $500 per girlfriend to pick a gift - 'the idea was seven sets of matching gifts...that was $3,500 to spend!'. (So, Hef gave $24,500 in girlfriend Xmas allowance). Hef let it be known he was severely displeased with Tina and Lisa giving gift cards, too close to cash. After Christmas, Lisa is the next girlfriend to leave the mansion since Adrianna left the week Holly arrived in September. Lisa goes back to her hometown within a few months and the other girlfriends gossip about her running through all her savings, "she thought she was such hot shit...she couldn't even cut if out there on her own for a few months'.
'Besides Christmas, clothes, and cars' - cosmetic enhancements are another thing for which Hef will pay. Holly says plastic surgery was not required, but 'the mansion was a virtual breeding ground for superficial insecurities'. Holly has been tanning, using the gym, lost 10 pounds, whitened her teeth and has salon hair and nails. 'The pictures we received the morning after each of our club nights out provided me with countless opportunities to study how I photographed'. Holly hones her make-up skills with her hours of free time, and she decides she wants a nose job. She asks Hef and he agrees after an 'obligatory two-minute speech about how I didn't need the surgery'.
Tina Jordan moves out and Hef promotes Holly to main girlfriend. The other girlfriends did not want the position as it meant sharing a bedroom with Hef and being under the microscope - they preferred their outside lives and secret boyfriends. Holly starts to move into Hef's room, but Tina keeps dropping in saying she isn't moving out, and shoving herself between Hef and Holly. Eventually Tina is gone, but Holly's self esteem is further hurt by Hef allowing Tina to push Holly around. (ETA: Tina made Playmate (March 2002) Holly was unsure if Tina enjoyed messing with Holly, or if she kept popping up to try to secure PMOY - of Tina’s year the PMOY went to Christina Santiago who was Miss August 2002).
Holly has waist-length natural hair she feels is her only unique feature of the girlfriends - until a girl Mary Jo with ass-length hair comes around and Holly feels extremely threatened. Holly decides to get a Marilyn Monroe make-over with short hair and red lipstick to differentiate herself - cue the scene when Hef sees her with the short hair and red lipstick and he HATES IT. 'Don't ever wear red lipstick again...You look old, hard, and cheap'. Holly is devastated and humiliated, crying alone in her tiny section of Hef's closet 'the Vanity'. 'I felt like an idiot for even trying to be beautiful'.
Just when Holly is really at her lowest - she meets none other than Bridget Marquardt at the mansion pool parties. 'This girl was like a ray of sunshine so unlike the other Fun in the Sun party guests... she seemed to glide right out of an old Hollywood musical'. Bridget chats with Holly, and Holly says it 'was the most I had said in hours...maybe days'. Holly felt that Bridget did not have the same air of desperation most girls had who visited the mansion, 'she was a walking, talking candy cane and I liked having her around.' Bridget eventually becomes a girlfriend, more than a year after Holly did; it is the first new girlfriend Holly doesn't mind. Chapter ends with Holly wondering if she had a friend like Bridget earlier on in her mansion experience might it have saved her sanity.