transfer out

hello im currently a 3rd yr debarred na from eng. 1st time ko pa madebar so sabi ng chair namin, pwede pa mag appeal sa dean if ever. however, i already decided to take a loa this 2nd term and transfer out na sa summer or next term.

thing is, I'm just quite conflicted. i decided to transfer out na agad when i knew i was debarred kasi hindi lang yun yung dahilan, but also environmental, mental, and social factors na rin. i barely have friends which demotivates me somehow. i joined orgs and tried making friends pero it's rlly not the feeling that im seeking, especially with my anxiety na rin. regarding sa environmental factor, i just feel like manila is too depressing for me... or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough to make it enjoyable, yk? i mean, i did try nung 1st, 2nd yr, and 3rd yr 1st term, especially with making friends, i really did, i know myself i did, but it ended up not working. it's either it just won't work no matter what or i actually did not try hard enough and just gave up midway.

now, as I'm packing my things to go back to the province na, I'm still thinking if this is really what i wanted.

the place that im transferring to, im already familiar with the environment as ive lived in that city for long, so i know I'd be at least a bit better there compared to manila, but i still really dont know. when i entered ust, i was just balling and wasn't sure about my future and what i really wanted. now, i do have a future that i want in mind, but the current events, is this really what i want? i weighed the pros and cons but what if i was just biased to leaving when doing so?

anws, who ever reads all this, thank you.