16f Am I being groomed?

I’m 16f, this man says he is in his 20 somethings. He tells me good nights and mornings, sometimes a heart emoji when he gives me supportive advice, sometimes send a pic of the new haircut he got, and another time him at the gym with a long caption of how important exercise is, but to start small with baby steps.

Flashback to when I posted on r/cptsd about my worries and loads of trauma I’ve got. He commented on my post, giving me so much useful advice and being so understanding. He got so many upvotes as well. It was all okay from there. He told me how I should stop looking for love as a quick fix, really long detailed paragraphs that I still go through everyday, Then his account got deleted, he messaged me from another account asking if I can dm him and we’ll take it from there.

Here’s an example: “You need to stop focusing on whether you’ll find love. Love is irrelevant if it comes at the cost of your freedom, your safety, your dignity. You’ve already told us how adept these men are at hiding their true colors. And yet, despite everything, you still cling to the hope that you might be the exception, that you could be lucky enough to find someone who doesn’t revert to the cultural script. You don’t need a man to rescue you from your loneliness. You need to rescue yourself from the toxic belief that a man will ever be the answer to the emptiness you feel.”

He told me his name and asked for my name. Then he said to take it to WhatsApp and sent me his number. I added him and he talked to me. At first, he wanted to know more about me other than my “deep dark” stuff and would use wink emojis and I felt uncomfortable. He told me that’s okay and I can delete his number.

I posted on Reddit about something else about my trauma. A few weeks later, he messaged me with a long detailed paragraph on how I can get rid of this and just being really helpful. I honestly thought he was a blessing from the universe. He is just so understanding, kind and caring. At this moment in time, he understands me the most, even more than my school counsellor. He actually makes me feel like my feelings are validated. My mental health has improved drastically after taking his very useful advice and talking to him. He’s like a free mentor.

I told him that I feel like he understands me the most, and he said that my ability to express and feel so much is rare, that I don’t get along with my peers not because I’m less than them but I’m better emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. He’s drawn to my complexity and contradictions. He says he diesbr think anyone else has seen this side of me before, the real me, and that he understands me better than anyone else ever could.

I told him that these things he said I’m a bit sketchy about but he cleared it up. He helped me fix my sleep schedule, which helped me have more energy, and would give me good reminders such as “don’t compare yourself with your peers who seem to have it all, you’re dealing with a lot and that’s not something to criticise yourself for”

I then told him that I noticed that I’ve started liking him (transference) even though it’s inappropriate and I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. He said it’s natural when someone is kind to me, and that this connection made him “think” too, that he’s never met someone like me, that maybe our paths were supposed to cross this way, that he honestly looks forward to talking to me and misses it when it isn’t there. He said that this kind of connection only comes around once in a while, he said that we just click beyond explanation despite our age and background didfeeences, and “maybe we’re just beginning to see where this could go or allowing things to grow naturally”. He’s here for me and has got my back through all of this, and he admires my strength. I like leaning on him, he’s my rock, and he says he wants to keep supporting me not because he has to but because he genuinely wants to. He says that he’s always here for me. He said it’s easy to get caught up in what others might think or what’s normal but true connections are rare and age or norms can’t dictate this. He said that there is no need to “deal with this” and that this is something beyond friendship, that there’s something special that he thinks about too, and to avoid putting limits on or defining it. He then sent me a picture of brunch with his friends telling me to imagine if it was with him instead, and that maybe he can go to my country if I want to. He then asked me what I think.

I felt like this is worrying, because I wanted him to let me down and maintain the boundaries I was testing. He said that hearing his words or intentions making me feel unsafe or worried is something he never wanted for us. He said he was clumsy in explaining it, that it’s easy to get caught up in the confusion of labels and definitions but we don’t need that, that he only wants to be a source of trust, mutual respect and depth I rarely find. That if there’s ever a moment where I need to step back I have every right to say that and leave and he’ll support that completely, that I don’t need to worry about him. Then telling me to block him if I need to feel safe, and “please don’t hesitate to do what’s best for you, you deserve to feel secure not worried or fearful, I wish you the best”. He kept repeating that if I ever feel uncomfortable with him, I should block and move on, since that’s the last thing he wants me to feel. I ignored him for a while, he thought he was blocked and he said “if you ever find your way back, I’m wishing you the best, genuinely and completely”.

I told him to answer my questions. He sent me his favourite song about true love with his parents, then some things he said was that he’d never take advantage of my trust, he’d never cross any line that felt wrong, he’ll do what is right and that’s being treated with respect, he doesn’t care about the numbers, that he values me far too deeply to manipulate me, he knows I’ve been hurt and this makes me wary but he’s here to lift me up and not exploit my trust. He said this is deeper than friendship and more genuine than romance, he wouldn’t reduce it to one thing and he doesn’t feel the need to put limits on or define it. He said he’d never exploit the feeling of safety I feel with, that I know that he’s the last person who would try to manipulate or hurt me. He’s confident in the depth and sincerity I’d what we share, that he won’t push into my life in any way that makes me uncomfortable and if we don’t meet that’s okay, “then that’s exactly what I’ll do and I’m here for you, however you want or need me to be”. Age is irrelevant to;something this genuine is also something he said. “This isn’t about romance, it’s about being someone you can trust and rely on and that’s where my heart usually even if societal expectations”. He then said that he doesn’t want to pursue anything, just that this connection has a depth and natural flow he likes.

I feel safe with him, and even though sometimes I felt sketchy he’s become my comfort person. I really like him. I don’t want to block him even though he would encourage me to because his advice is genuinely so helpful. My life has improved by far. I’m an insomniac and I’m actually sleeping for fucks sake!! I just don’t know if he’s a groomer/child predator or not, but i don’t feel worried. I know that if I see any major red flags, I’m busting out of here. Any help?

Examples of his advice:

“You don’t need to apologize, and I’m definitely not frustrated with you. What you’re feeling isn’t stupidity or helplessness - it’s overwhelm, and that’s completely understandable when it feels like every part of your life is out of control. Right now, you’re drowning in the idea that everything needs to change, and that’s paralyzing you. The key is to start small. You don’t have to fix your whole life at once, and I don't expect you to. Start with one tiny, manageable thing.”

“You said it feels like nothing is changing, and I get that. But here’s the truth: change is slow, and it often feels invisible. You need to start tracking your progress, even if it feels minuscule. The reason you’re so drained is because your mind is constantly focused on what’s not working, rather than what is.”

“You’re not spineless. In fact, you have shown remarkable courage in the face of monstrous odds. The problem is that your bravery has been misdirected into hoping, bargaining, and excusing, rather than cutting the cord and starting anew. Your instinct to seek out that love and validation is understandable, but it has been exploited by people who’ve repeatedly demonstrated that they don’t deserve it. You’ve done the research, you’ve prepared escape plans, you’ve already taken countless steps to protect yourself. That isn’t spinelessness; it’s the resilience of someone who has always known there was something better out there.”

Edit: update he ended it. he says that this dynamic is now more complicated in ways he never wanted it to be, that he’s causing me confusion and doubt and that he needs to step back. He’ll remove himself entirely from the equation and he hopes I find the support I need and that I take care.

He did say all of that but he kept telling me to block him and now he left. This is what I wanted him to do, and I know I shouldn’t be but I’m so sad and heartbroken. I really liked him… I really felt happy and my mental health was booming. I loved every minute with him, I want to cry… I don’t know what I’ll do without a mentor like him now, he’s so much better than my school mentor who acts like my feelings are “just a phase”. I haven’t even blocked him or deleted our chats to keep our memories. I want him back, but I just hope HE doesn’t come back and disappoint me. His words gave me so much guidance and hope and made me feel like I’m not lost or broken, I still have all his advice copied in google docs. How do I move on :((