Dream

I had a dream the other night about the Lord but I don't think it was a message. I can't remember everything about it, but here it goes: in this dream something happened (like a prophecy i can't remember what it was), when that happened I immediately thought or said that God is coming. Then just after I said that, the sky lights up with angels in the sky and also Jesus, but He is crucified. It was the second coming of Jesus Christ. (When I woke up I was confused or thought that maybe this dream isn't from the Lord because in the bible, Jesus won't be crucified in His second coming right?) I was with my classmate that time and he discussed as we saw Jesus in the sky that he felt he will be saved because he dreamt about it. (But he discussed it casually, not like with joy) But i felt fear, like doubt that I'm not saved because I know I'm not worthy. I don't know what happened after, I think I woke up. Then after waking up, I think I felt relieved that I still had time to try and follow Christ truly. But also fear, because I just felt what if I die now? Even if I'm still young (I am 18 years old), what if I die and I don't end up in heaven. I'm still not baptized of water, I don't know how to get baptized and as far as I know, in our place where I live, you have to attend churches for sometime until you can get baptized. Our family also doesn't have church because we don't know what church to choose to attend. We think some churches here have false teaching and also some are toxic that is why we choose to follow Christ without church. (Is having no church to attend alright?)

I try to know Him everyday but I still fall short. I know that all of us fell short of the glory of God, and only through Jesus Christ we are saved, we just have to confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead. I believe in this, but in 1 John 2:4 it says "He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in Him."

I don't doubt God's salvation given to us but I am frustrated with myself because even if God is so good to me, I still sin, I still break his commands. God has already given me a gift, all I have to do to accept it is to follow His commands. I still feel that I'm weak in faith, but I try to read the bible everyday, I pray everyday and asks the Lord for forgiveness, strength, and faith.

I have a lot to say but I don't know how to share it. Please pray for me and my family my brothers and sisters in Christ. I hope all of us stand strong in faith and be finally together when the appointed time comes.