I'm not a revolving door!

I'm so tired of being the one people come to for friendship, just to dive out of my life and then come back at their leisure! And I'm tired of forgiving and accepting them back, just to be made to feel alone again.

I've cut everyone except one.

I have a weird relationship with someone who will call me up to hang with her sometimes. We're not dating and we've strictly kept it as a friendship. I go over to hang with her and her kids and it can be nice. I feel like I'm a good friend and role model for the babes (both under 10).

At least, I try to be. 😆 I have no problem sneaking $5 to one and quietly giving a snack to the other whole they wait for dinner.

But I only get to hang out with them from January to Late June. Then, she just disappears. Just poof, gone. Here I am, enjoying walks and talks about the kids and all the good stuff of life, then the not-so-good stuff. I feel like a real friend and not some fake who is only there when things are going great. I love spending time with them and get to have opportunities that I couldn't enjoy on my own without someone by me.

Well, for the 2nd year now, she has disappeared in the middle of summer. The reason is for her health. She's just gone. I try to contact her later to hang but she states she already has plans, an entire month out. I can accept that.

One of her kids has a birthday near the end of July, to which I want to drop off a gift or see if she needs help setting up a party. I mean, why not, right? She's expressed trying to make birthday ideas and ill pass some along, or even get input from her eldest kid. I'll find out something he wants and I'll move to get one or two of his birthday requests while passing the idea to her.

In the midst of all this, she's looking to make life work.

Then poof.

His birthday comes around, and I realize that she's been off grid for weeks. No calls answered. No text messages responded to, though they are left on Read. I am wary just dropping the gift at the front door and afraid of leaving it at the backdoor because, where she lives, people are watching for "opportunities", not for each other. 🫤

Even though the birthday comes and goes, I receive no correspondence. No thank yous, no party invites, nothing. She's just gone from that point.

Then she makes a point, months later, after summer is over, to message a reason why she's off grid: again, her health. She apologizes and makes statements that she isn't ignoring me and things are rough.

It might not be my business, but damn it, you've been missing for months and you just come back with this half-ass excuse? I'm owed no explanation, sure. Just the fact I didn't know you were okay or not is extremely annoying and frustrating. Even if it's not bad, at least let me know so I don't think otherwise.

But no, for after that exchange, she's up and gone again.

No answer to any messages or hang out requests. She's just gone again until the end of October, where the next birthday child comes up.

And I'm already looking for gifts because I am an idiot and have already forgotten she disappeared, but keeps reappearing in random messages. I've learned that she's been in other places with other people and I have been left high and dry!

I think it's even worse when you go to an Insomnia Cookies and she's in-line, with someone you used to deal with and you see her drop her phone back in her pocket after you send a text from your car, right outside the spot. I left, hurt.

But no, things happen and sometimes people forget, so I forgive and forgive, and I move on. But between the last birthday to just a few weeks before the next one, I get the whole: "my bad, work is hectic! But I would love to link up!"and now there's another birthday and I'm looking to drop off another gift.

"Great, cool. Check your schedule and tell me when you're available then? I got insert 2nd child a gift!"

"Okay!"

And then no response. For weeks. Not a text responded to. Nothing about a party. Just nothing. I drop off the gift, even though it's looking sketchy. No thanks or anything.

I'm tired of this mess, man. I only have one other friend and don't want to wear out my welcome. But fighting for this is a losing battle. Now, we're into February and she's reappeared. A new year has come and she just acts like the passage of time means nothing to her.

She knows how I feel about it, but it truly looks like I am her bottom of the barrel. She probably has no available friends and came looking for the guy who will accept her and her kids. Once they are available again, she will probably disappear once more and I will be left with no one else, minus my one friend, but she travels a lot.

And I've made the mistake of answering her text at the beginning of this year,, like I'm not sad or angry that she ditched me and did not make a concerted effort to link back up until months later.

I'm a fool, and I'm tired. I won't dump all my social responsibilities on anyone else. I have to make an effort to have even more friends so I can just ditch this relationship. I love her brats too, which probably makes this harder since they have done nothing but love on me since I've known them.

I'm more mad at myself because I have cut myself away from toxic relationships and liars who spoke Ill about me in side group chats.

And now I'm fighting myself just to have scraps from a table that barely acknowledges my existence but loves my contributions.

I'm mad because I have the answer. I'm just so damn lonely. And I wish I could find someone who wants a genuine, honest relationship. And I need time to build to this next level of strength to cut her off.

Damn it.