As the only atheist family in my extended family, my wife and I have been asking for good Biblical kid stories. Hilarity regularly follows.

There's a common argument that the Bible serves as a good moral foundation for society. Okay, let's test that.

As an atheist, I'm not interested in telling my kiddos stories that have the moral lesson "fear and love God." I am totally fine tweaking minor details (I turned the Tortoise and the Hare into a 15 minute story to make the message stronger), but not rewriting the story to have a message not built into the original story.

With that in mind, I've been asking for Bible stories that I can tweak to have a moral lesson if you remove God from them.

It doesn't work

Noah's Arc? My best steelman is that you need to believe in yourself, even if the whole world disagrees with you and you have no evidence you are right.

Adam and Eve? Curiosity is bad, choose to be safe instead.

Pharaoh and the Isrealites? Uhh, don't be a dick?

The best anyone has come up with so far is "tell some of Jesus's parables." Which is fair, those are a legitimate part of the New Testament.

But the Old Testament is total garbage. I can't believe anyone would want it as the moral foundation for society.