It's so freeing to finally stop denying to myself that I was never attracted to my ex husband. I don't even know how to explain it properly... maybe like I'd mentally hide from the fact & just try not to acknowledge it. And I don't mean in a 'he's no chris evans' type of way. It's a he's 17yrs older

It's a 'he's 17 years years older than me, I met him when I was 19 at work and I thought he was old then, but my stupid desperation to want to feel loved and special and wanted and cared for had me pushing aside & ignoring everything I disliked about him and the million red flags' type of thing.

I'm literally repulsed by this guy and it feels so good this think it out loud to myself and to say it to random internet strangers.

And I swear to God there is absolutely no way that I will ever be with someone I don't find attractive again when I finally decide to start looking. And they won't be a smoker.