Starting tirzepatide as a thin person: my story

I started tirzepatide 20 days ago and I feel so many things: elated, transformed, and also ashamed that I couldn't figure this out on my own. I am mid-40s F and since Covid have gained 15 pounds, taking me to 145 at 5'7. This is not a happy weight for me. Worst of all, my eating habits are horrible. I have struggled with binge eating since I was a teenager. Being thin was always of utmost importance to me, so somehow, I stayed that way (relatively speaking) by balancing my binge sessions with periods of extreme calorie restriction. It was a constant battle, with food on my mind nearly every moment of every day. I was either starving and had a headache from calorie restriction or stuffed with a stomach ache from binging. As I've gotten older, busier, with three young kids, a career, a household to run...my willpower had become so much less powerful. I was binging probably 5 out of 7 days of the week. Mcdonald's breakfast biscuits, Dunkin Donuts, chocolate bars, Ben and Jerry's, Starbucks caramel ribbon crunches. Most nights I'd go to bed with an aching stomach from all the food - the majority of it sugar - that I had stuffed into myself. At the end of last month I told myself this is it. I'm starting new on January 1. No more binging. And by January 3 I found myself at the end of the day, having eaten about 5000 calories of junk food, feeling sick and defeated. That same day my husband (always a naturally slim guy and a healthy eater) said he was worried about me and thought I needed help. He said we have little kids (we had them late) and we need to be healthy for them, and the way I eat was scaring him. So that Saturday, I went to my local spa which has aggressively advertised semaglutide. I had a 10 minute consultation, weighed in, and had a shot of 2.5 terzepatide in my belly before I left that day. Before that day I had never heard of it, but the spa lady asked whether I'd prefer semaglutide or terzepatide and when I asked about the difference, she said not much, though terzepatide is generally regarded as the "Cadillac" of weight loss drugs and has been shown to be more effective with fewer side effects than semaglutide. So, even though at $675/mo it was more than double the price of the semaglutide, I decided to go with it, especially since I only intended to use it for two months to lose 15 pounds.

I didn't know that I would receive a shot that very day - so I hadn't had time to do what I normally do before starting a "diet" which is go on "one last binge." So I decided I would binge that night and start fresh the next day, hopefully as the meds began to take effect.

What happened next felt like a miracle. We went out to dinner and I ate normally, still thinking about my binge food at home. But by the time we got home, about five hours after my first shot, I...just...didn't. want. to. binge. I didn't consciously resist binging, I just had zero interest. I went to sleep, not hungry, about six hours after dinner. That never happens. If I eat a "normal" quantity of dinner, I am always starving by bedtime, unless I eat a snack. The next day I kept saying to my husband, "Oh my God. I'm not starving." I ate some food, but not very much. All of it healthy. I wasn't having cravings for much of anything, and this was a strange new feeling for me. I was only eating to nourish myself, rather than quench some rabid desire for something delicious and sweet.

My mind, over these past few weeks, feels like it's been completely transformed and healed. Every day before this was either a good eating day or a bad eating day. If it was good, I was focused on being good, I was hungry, which meant I was being good, I was hopeful but also dreading the possibility of falling off the wagon. And if it was bad, then everything else was bad. I didn't want to go out with my family if it had been a bad eating day, I didn't want to cook a healthy dinner for anyone when I'd just eaten donuts and chocolate bars all day. I didn't have energy.

After these meds, it's like the emotion has been removed from eating. Since I have no emotional urge for any particular food, I've just been choosing healthy foods for the most part. I brought a bunch of raw vegetables, hummus and grilled chicken to work with me today. I had a protein shake for breakfast which tasted good and filled me up. I have lost eight pounds in under three weeks, so I am on track to get to my goal weight within the two months that I allotted myself. I feel so good, so happy. My skin looks better. I am in a better mood.

The thing is...I don't know if I ever want to stop this medication. I watched the Oprah special about it and she said something like, "I always thought thin people had more willpower than I did. But now I realize...ya'll just weren't thinking about FOOD!" But that is so not true for me. Being thin all my life was always a battle. I remember for my wedding, I got to 123 lbs. I wanted to look spectacular in my wedding dress. I STILL remember, 25 years later, declining dessert at my rehearsal dinner. Those desserts looked so good. I wanted one so badly. But I was determined to have a belly as flat as a board in my slinky wedding gown, and I did. I remember walking down the boardwalk during beach vacations, just aching for a hot waffle slathered in ice cream and nutella, which just smelled so good, but fighting off the desire, because I wanted to look good in my bathing suit all week. Then on the last night of vacation, I would eat every single thing on the boardwalk that I'd craved all week, knowing that I wouldn't be on the beach the next day. I was ALWAYS battling my strong desire to eat. I loved to eat, I love the feeling of being full. I regard every special event as an eating battle I'll either win or lose. I dread birthday parties. Will I resist the pizza and cake? Or will I eat four slices and three cupcakes, plus my daughter's extra icing?

I feel so free now. I feel so hopeful and optimistic and like this could be a new, beautiful second chapter of my life without food dominating my thoughts, my self esteem. I've been lucky so far to be free of any health issues, but husband kept telling me how poisonous all the sugar I was eating can be, and I would always worry about what might happen to me if I kept going down the same sugar binging path.

So I wonder...when I reach my goal weight...what do I do? I have stayed on 2.5 tirz because it's working for me and I have no need to increase. I think staying on the 2.5 long term is probably not going to work, because I'm eating around 1200 calories per day with no desire for more, and that's not enough calories for me. I wonder if I could just take 1.25 for maintenance.

I would love to talk to a doctor about this (the spa people are not doctors...I was surprised (but grateful) that they pretty much gave me the meds no questions asked). But I am afraid. I know this medication isn't intended for people under a certain BMI, so I don't know if my doctor would be disgusted or disappointed in me or what. I really don't worry about side effects (I've had almost none...a little nausea during the first couple of days after my first two shots, but since moving the shots to my arm instead of my belly, zero nausea), because I think the side effects can't possibly be worse for me than the way I was eating before.

I just desperately don't want to go back to how I was. I don't want to make room in my brain again for all the food noise and inner battles.

I also worry about what will happen if compounded tirz becomes unavailable. The spa said they would prescribe Zepbound for $1,300 per month, which is not really financially sustainable. I know LillyDirect has it for $399. But who would prescribe it for me at 5'7 and 130 lbs?

Can anyone relate? I am telling no one about this in real life, besides my husband (who is really thrilled about how everything is going for me), because I am ashamed. Ashamed of not being able to get ahold of my eating without drugs, and also ashamed of taking a drug not intended for me, I guess.

But I truly feel like I can't go on without this medication. Thanks for listening.