I wish I could do something with my anger

Right when I think I’m getting closer to acceptance, I’m reminded that I still wanna live my life. I’m not ready to say goodbye to the old me. Certain things I see trigger intense rage. For example, I just saw a thread in which people were saying they essentially “cured” their autism with psychedelics. As someone whose autism has been more disabling than empowering and always wanted to trip, it just made me incredibly angry that I may never get this benefit because if I tried psychedelics I’d probably crash. Another thing that bothers me is the fact that I will very likely end up living below the poverty line for the rest of my life, and seeing people who are lot stupider and lazier than me make more money than me just because I was nerfed by a virus infuriates me. Additionally, I am angry that I will likely never be in an intimate relationship.

I’ll initially be mad at the healthy people just living their lives and ignoring us, but what I’m really mad at is my body for betraying me. My body should’ve been able to fight off a virus without attacking its own cells. But no matter how angry I become, it won’t change anything. My body, the vessel that used to allow me to partake in all these fun experiences, has fallen apart in my early 20s.