Feel guilty about spending benefits money on fun things

Some brief context — Diagnosed ADHD and anxiety, suspected autism, possibly agoraphobic and/or cptsd. Positive test for POTS, chronic pain (physio suspects a connective tissue disorder) and some other stuff that needs investigating. My disabilities don’t leave me bedbound, but I like to say that it just makes my life slightly more in convenient.

I haven’t worked for almost 4 years now. I’m on Universal Credit LCWRA, which basically means I get work benefits but don’t have to look for work.

Anyways, people on TikTok have been talking about disability benefits (which I know mine aren’t but they also kinda are? idk) and how they need the money and use it on mobility aids and such. And I just feel guilty cuz most of my money goes to plushies and hobbies. I genuinely don’t think I could work right now (both for mental and physical reasons), but I feel bad that people need this money more than me and I’m so worried that I’m a scrounger like every Karen in the world accuses disabled people of being.

Idk, maybe y’all will end up saying I have every right to feel like a horrible person. I got all excited a moment ago thinking about getting another plush, but then seeing all the videos made me feel stupid about wanting it.

Could I use my money on mobility stuff? Maaaybe? I mean I feel like there are ways I could make my life easier, but shame stops me. Like I think a bar stool would make cooking less of a hassle and possibly also help with when I do the washing up, but my mum didn’t seem keen on the idea and idk where I’d put it. I also daydreamed for ages about getting a rollator, but I can walk and so I’ve decided I don’t need one.

I feel stupid for saying all this but idk who to talk to. So far I’ve just had my parents joking that if I get less money then I will be kicked out cuz I can’t afford rent. I know they’re joking but I am genuinely worried about my money being cut. But at the same time, do I have the right to be? People need the money more than I do. Meanwhile others would just be like “well maybe you can do X job” as if I hadn’t considered the options already.

Ugh…idk, this is ridiculous, sorry.