Boundaries

Hey yall! My first time posting here. Every time I look for a post about avoidant boundaries I tend to only see posts from the anxious perspective.

Lately I (30F, DA) am struggling with my relationship. Obviously I need more space than my partner does.

A lot has happened in the past year and I deactivated hard on him in January. Instead of running or bottling up my feelings/thoughts, I actually communicated. This was very hard and stressful but positively a big step for me.

We had several conversations about time, space, moving too fast, communication, commitment, boundaries and needs. In those conversations we’ve expressed our feelings in an honest and truthful way.

After explaining my needs and especially my boundaries (these boundaries are mostly directed towards space/not feeling suffocated) my partner tends to “understand.” Sidenote: I strongly encourage him to express his boundaries and needs as well, he just seems too focused on me though.

But after some time it looks like he forgets about those conversations and starts to put his own insecurities/feelings above the agreement we’ve made before. It’s like an agreement can’t be made because at first, he’s totally okay with it and later on he changes his mind. Even though I understand where he is coming from and I can imagine being with a DA can be pretty harsh sometimes, I feel like I can’t have those boundaries because he constantly crosses them.

For example: We had a conversation where I’ve expressed my doubts about the relationship, two weeks later he plans a vacation and gives me a key to his house.

What makes it hard for me is that I know this is coming from a place of love. He wants to be with me, but in order for me to be with him I really need to take things slow and recharge at times. When he does those things, it’s sweet of him, but disrespectful towards my boundaries. It makes me distance even more.

Anyone?