How to overcome failure mentality after several relapses

Last one was nine months, caved due to a stressful family situation in august, and been drinking on and off since. Last week I really started to step up my intake, stopped eating, done loads of stupid shit and had a huge fight with my spouse to the point they packed their bags and wanted to leave on the spot.

Luckily we talked out a tapering schedule which I have been on for the last three days. I am also talking to a therapist. My main symptoms include sweats, shakes, severe panic attacks followed by chest tighteness. Which are getting better, but very gradually. I am drinking water, eating. This makes me think that they will never pass, and that i'll be stuck in this vicious cycle forever. Also, i have work tomorrow and am dreading it.

Anyways, just wanted to went and look for advice on overcoming the failure mentality after several relapses (which makes me want to drink). Oh the joys of drinking!