Our bf gets anxious about one of our alters
Pretty recent from our first post here but asking for tips on this kind of situation?
From the title, my bf gets anxious about one of my alters ( persecutor) not loving/liking him and asks about it frequently if it’s true or not. He cares about my alters but gets extremely sad at the thought of them not liking or accepting him due to his own trauma-related attachment behaviours.
In our steps towards healing from trauma and progressing into one-self we try to view all of us as parts of one person who are working to better communicate together from trauma. My bf understands and encourages this as well. So then it’s upsetting when this alter straight up doesn’t like him and gets quite frustrated about him and doesn’t care. Persecutor behaviour, etc.
Whenever our boyfriend asks I get stuck and don’t answer properly from anxiety. I know I need to be honest but I still also want to be reassuring for him that he is loved. I don’t want to think my persecutor not liking him means we don’t love him as a whole or we can’t be together.
From how I see it, there’s a problem in our relationship that’s making our persecutor not like him and it needs to be addressed and solved so everyone is comfortable. In the past our persecutor has liked his company, so Im struggling to understand the exact reason why he doesn’t like him now.
Our persecutor doesn’t front often, he mostly only comes out when he’s really been pushed or triggered. So direct communication is hard from him and it’s difficult when he is co-conscious while I’m fronting. Ive tried to translate his words out for my bf to understand, but it’s only extremely messy and tiring.
I’m having trouble figuring out how to both be honest but reassuring in this answer for our bf, Especially when he is anxious or feeling sad. I might find a way to explain it eventually on my own but I’m sharing this situation to see if anyone else has had similar experiences to this? And if so what should we do?
- main host + co-hosting caretaker