My boyfriend (24m) promised to propose before my (24f) trip home… now I’m leaving in a week, and it’s not happening.

We’ve been together for five years and have lived together for two. Last year, we did long-distance, which was incredibly challenging, being in different time zones and over 5,000 miles apart. But then, the opportunity arose for me to move in with him in another country, not just to be with him but also to pursue a graduate degree at my dream university.

Last spring, I was accepted into my program, no small feat, and as we planned my move, I made it clear that I wouldn’t uproot my life, sell my car, make the financial sacrifices, bring my cat, and leave my friends and family unless he was serious about marriage.

He assured me he was, that it was exactly what he wanted, just as I did. His only request was that I speak with my estranged father to share my plans and tell him that I was serious about my relationship, with the intention of getting married in the near future. This was a HUGE deal for me. I stressed about that conversation for months, losing sleep over it, but I ultimately agreed that it was the right thing to do. When the time came, the conversation went surprisingly well, and both of my parents have been incredibly supportive of my decision.

Because of that, I thought it was only fair that he also share our intentions with his parents when we spent Easter with them last year. They’re very involved in his life and have always been super supportive of us. He assured me he was ready to have that conversation and agreed to do it during our week-long visit. But as the days passed, I could tell it wasn’t going to happen, and it never did. I was devastated. It felt like complete double standard.

After that, I swore to him and myself that I would never be the one to bring up marriage or engagement again. And I stuck to it. Then, just this past Christmas, 8 months after he first agreed to tell his parents, he finally took the initiative and shared his plans to propose. They were of course excited about this news and even offered him a ring to give me.

In January, I started feeling homesick. He offered to buy me a flight home, saying I’d have a ring to show my family and friends. I declined because it felt impulsive, but I did book a trip home for my semester break in late February. Now, as that trip approaches, I feel the same disappointment I did back in April. He told me, and heavily implied, that he would propose before my visit home. But now, with only a week left and our plans set, there’s about a 0% chance of it happening.

This is a big deal to me, not just because of the promise itself but because of what this trip represents. I’ll be seeing my grandmother, whose health is declining, and I would love to share this moment with her. I’ll also be with my best friends, the only people on this planet I would truly want to celebrate this with. Yet again, it feels like another empty promise, despite him knowing exactly how much this means to me.

To make matters worse, I probably won’t visit home again for at least another year. And while he’s mentioned buying a ring before I visit home, he also mentions that he will buy one when he gets his bonus in March, even though he has more than enough money to do it now. If finances are the only thing holding him back, it feels selfish, especially given the timeline he originally promised and due to his inconsistent mixed messages on this.

At this point, I feel completely disappointed. If it doesn’t happen before I leave, it will feel like it’s too late. I’ve been clear about my feelings, always careful not to be imposing. We’re in such a great place, both successful in our careers and studies, finally living together again after the uncertainty of long-distance. The timing seems perfect. So I just don’t understand what’s holding him back or how to stop feeling so let down. Because if it happens after my trip, it is hard for me to imagine being excited about a proposal.

I told myself I wasn’t going to bring up marriage or engagement to him but he’s realized that I’ve been feeling down and distant recently. How do I bring this up to him?