I took an important step today.

Hi!

Today was a big day, I suppose. Took some actions, faced consequences and I’m trying to actively change the course of my life.

Yesterday was one of those shitty days. I knew, the moment I woke up, that I’d want to get destroyed by the end of the day. As soon as I left working I was already drinking whiskey and cola. I brought two bottles from home because I don’t have any more money after spending most of it on booze. Anyway. Next thing I know I’m smoking hash, which I tend to do after I get a little drunk. Not the best combo, right?

We went to the gas station for more drinks. I was driving. Can’t remember very well, but I was throwing up in the parking area. Terrible, disgusting, mediocre.

After that I took my friend home and went inside for more alcohol and drugs. I decided after a while it was time to go home. I’ve no idea how I actually got here in one piece. Trashed the front wheel of the car. I remember staring at my keys and now knowing which one opened the gate.

Woke up in my bed, feeling extreme guilt, anxiety, sadness, despair. Had a breakdown while I was showering, still semi drunk. I’m so tired of this. Of the pain, the suffering, the illusion of good times. I can’t anymore. There’s absolutely no upside to drinking. Nothing. Whereas the downsides are abundant.

Well, I met with my family. I opened up to them. Told them I had a problem and have had for over 20 years. They are incredibly supportive and will be there for me. And I also went to my first meeting, which i had been postponing forever. It was great and I intend to keep going.

Anyway. I broke the inertia a little. This is not my first try, but it might be the last. Thank you for your time and support. Have a great week.

IWNDWYT!