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ThrowRA-zuk

2025-02-05 18:48:53

My (M35) wife (F32) had a full blown affair and cannot seem to let the guy go. How do people move past this?

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Holy moly "you are taking on the role of the parent"....if that's not an ideological or cultural bias I don't know what is. This is why therapy gets a bad wrap, if you were to take a stand and use the word "boundaries" suddenly you appear stronger. Therapy seems to be more and more who knows more words that can get them to take the moral high ground even though they're causing the other person pain. I don't understand this about American relationships, white American men seem to be trained to suppress feelings of jealousy or territoriality while women get a free pass because they can reframe what they want as morally admissible.

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Yes, I didnt agree with her but said I would give it a try as the opposite done nothing anyway. Were in the UK, but I understand where your coming from its the same here

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Your wife is deep in the affair fog. Sometimes the best way to drag someone out of it is to remove yourself from their life. Do you have any way to move out of your home? That would force her to do without all of the things you do for her. I think the statistic is that when someone is cheating their marriage is providing about 80% of what they need and the affair 20%. When the marriage is pulled away the affair usually fizzles pretty rapidly because the affair partner can't or doesn't want to provide 100%. The cheater doesn't see what the marriage provides because it is so taken for granted that they don't notice it.

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So Ive literally just done this last night. I was in the room next to ours but Im now downstairs in a room tucked out the way. Been making myself scarce since yesterday and not been around her as much. Definetely helped me feel a bit better for awhile actually but fell into the trap again with the ipad. Dont know why I’m torturing myself like this. I might be able to get somewhere else to stay but would mean explaining my situation and just now I dont feel up to telling anyone I know about this.

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